Yes, that would have to be the headline of this week, narrowly beating out "Grumpy: 71 years later. How a 3' Man Doubled in Size and Got a Job at the Junkyard."
It is with great regret that we announce the passing of our second Escort. I like thinking back to the good old times when the Escort had a working motor and not everything under the hood was broken. Times like this:
I don't actually remember anything like that happening, but apparently even the ever plentiful internet doesn't care about the Ford Escort enough to post an interesting video or two. Oh well.
Our first Escort passed on in January. While we had hoped to hold bake sales all year to pay to get it fixed, we unfortunately had to divert money to cover paying for Gibson to be born. You would think we'd get a little more utility out of something that cost so much.
With our cash strapped and our two little boys unable to win any high profile best looking baby competitions, Teri and I decided to put off fixing our white Escort and made the best of using only one car. Our silver Escort became our workhorse hauling us to and fro, here and there, nither and thither. Until that fateful day several weeks ago when it decided it no longer had a will to live and ended its life outside of Kohl's.
A few days and a diagnostic check later, the Escort was pronounced dead on the scene. We took her to the junkyard and despite the best efforts of a gnomish junkyard employee to not use their business, we were able to strike a good deal. We swapped 1 dead Escort for a total prize package (worth $52) to include 20 Totino's pizzas, 3 "as-is" air fresheners from any car in the junkyard, and season tickets to the WNBA. Cucumber melon never smelled so good.
Like most things in life, there is a good and a bad side to this story. The bad side is that we had to replace the car somehow, and while we considered going the "green route," ultimately we decided the kids were too small to peddle. So we bought a Honda. What's bad about that? Well, they didn't give it to us for free. I was hoping for some last minute "Hey you're our first customer in weeks because the economy is melting" giveaway, but curiously enough they did ask us to pay.
The good side of all of this is that Honda driving videos are a lot easier to find online than Escort videos. For example, this little number is amazing and it begs two important questions. Do people in the rest of the world really drive like this? And, do people in the rest of the world really just wander out into the road and stand there as they watch a car that is clearly nanoseconds away from totally losing control and just wait for it to come slamming into them? Oh how the other half lives.
In summary, the bad side of having to pay for the car is pretty much a wash with the upside of watching crazy people nearly kill themselves in a car manufactured by the same people that made mine. Now if I could just figure out some way to teach K and Gibby to wash windows.
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